What If

What If

What if i let go?

What if I take hold?

What if i am afraid to trust?

What if I am trustworthy?

What if i don’t like the pain?

What if I heal deeper?

What if i feel alone?

What if I will never leave you or forsake you?

What if i am afraid of the “down the road”?

What if I know what’s “down the road”?

What if i get out of the way?

What if I get in the way?

What if i want control?

What if I need control?

What if i am tired?

What if I am not tired?

What if i don’t know the next step?

What if I make your path straight?

What if i don’t know what this will look like in the future?

What if I hold the future?

What if i let go?

What if I take hold?

What if i am weak?

What if I am strong when you are weak?

What if i don’t think i can do what You’ve asked of me?

What if I will be with you?

What if i feel in the dark?

What if I am the light of the world?

What if i don’t want my secret struggles known?

What if I know your innermost parts, nothing is hidden from me?

What if i feel vulnerable?

What if I love you tenderly, always and unconditionally?

What if i am worried?

What if I give you peace in exchange for your worry?

What if i have a broken heart?

What if I have a heart that was pierced for you?

What if i am rejected?

What I was rejected among men so you might have life?

What if i don’t understand?

What if I do understand?

Can you, Will you trust me?

I AM!

The Prodigal Son Retold

Once there were two  brothers.

Their life was good.  House was nice.  Had a lot of cool things.  Always food on the table.  Each got a car when they got their license.  And they each had a lot of friends.

Now, Dad made a lot of money and early on he invested it wisely.  He had always told his boys that when they each reached the age of 21, he would give them a large sum to begin their lives on their own.  Things were pretty set for these two brothers.

The boys were quite different from each other.  The oldest one was 19 at the time of our story.  He was always the one who was content with his life.  He was in an apprenticeship at the shipyard and the future looked good.  He and his Dad never really had much conflict and living at home, for him, was A-OK.  He showed quite a bit of responsibility and ambition.

Now, as families often go…the other son was his own self.  He just never seemed content.  It seemed like his dad never really understood where he was coming from.  It was like he never did anything right.  His 17^th year had been the worst.  He had a job, but he felt that even that had disappointed his dad because it was only at Burger King.  Halfway through his 17^th year, he decided he was going to emancipate himself so he could life his own life.  There’d be no one he’s have to answer to.  He would go where ever he wanted, with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted. So, he found out what it would take.  He did the paperwork to prove himself responsible and to everyone’s surprise, he emancipated himself.  This was the start of his life!

You remember that the dad of these two brothers had set aside a large amount of money for his sons to enter into adulthood with…

Well, the second son felt that he should receive his money at the point of his emancipation rather than waiting until he was 21.  After all, he was now legally a responsible, independent adult.  So, he went to his father and demanded his share of the money.  It was with a heavy heart that the boy’s father complied.  For the sake of relationship, he chose to toss caution to the wind.  The boy’s father gave him the $700,000 that he had been saving for him.  It was easily enough to buy a house, get some training for a better job, invest some and not go hungry.  Even if he just chose to invest it all, he would be able to live quite comfortably for some time.

One factor in this brother’s life I haven’t said much about was his friends…they had some other ideas.  During the year prior to his emancipation, this son and his friends had often taken the ferry over to Seattle and enjoyed the city life that had more to offer than Bremerton.  The places to hang out were more exciting and it seemed like the people knew a higher level of the concept of “party.”  So, once the son was free to go when ever, where ever and with whoever…the trips to Seattle became more frequent.  It wasn’t long before he and his friends decided to move to Seattle.  Broadway was the spot.  There was always “life” on Broadway.  They found a house right on the strip.  The son had all the money he needed to make “life” happen.  He made more friends quickly.  His place became “the place” to hang out: day and night.  If you were looking for a party, alcohol, drugs, sex, it all flowed freely at this son’s place.  The son had money and he treated his “friends” with the best.  They didn’t have to do or be responsible for anything.  He had it all covered.  They just had to be his friends.  In return, the son got what he wanted; he felt important and needed.

This went on for quite a long time.  $700,000 is a lot of money.  Or is it?  Eventually reality hit.  Money doesn’t grow on trees.  Yes, eventually the money ran out.  But, his friends were depending on him to make the party happen.  He started selling for the dealers he’d been buying from.  Suddenly, they weren’t so friendly.  Suddenly, they were demanding.  They were violent.  He had to produce. But, he had to keep the party going.  Next, he turned to selling himself.  Just as he had hired others to be available for his friends, he now made himself available to others.  As hard as he scrambled to maintain his importance, he couldn’t keep up.  He couldn’t pay his bills. He lost everything.  He finally found himself sleeping in the park, under a bridge or down the alley behind some restaurant that might have some “good food” left in the dumpster.  Yes, he lost everything.  He lost life.

At the bottom, he began to think of home.  No, he couldn’t think of that.  He’d chosen to leave that.  He couldn’t go back.  How could he ever face his dad.  He’d blown it all.  He’d left with such angry words.  No, he couldn’t think of that.

His hell continued.  How could he ever face his dad.

One night he decided he could take it no longer.  There were only two options.  Either he could cry to his dad for forgiveness or he could end his life.  Truthfully, he thought that ending his life might be the easier option.  As he contemplated this, his thoughts were again drawn to his dad.  He knew his dad’s heart.  Yes, that was where he would go.

As the midnight ferry approached the Bremerton dock, there was a lone figure standing out on the platform watching it’s arrival.  This lone figure had been standing in that same spot every night since that son had left months before.

When the son walked down the ramp, his father rushed to him and enveloped him in his arms.  “My son, my son,” he cried. 

After a time, the son pulled away, crying, and asked his father if he could forgive him for walking away from all that his father had given him in his home and family.

“My son, oh my son, it’s all done now.  Let’s start from here.  Let’s start again,” was all that he could reply.

A Memoir

A Memoir

( from Genesis 32; 2 Kings 17,24; Psalms 103; Lamentations)

Life without love, that’s…terrible!

Love is many a splendid thing

Love lifts you up where you belong

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love

Life without sin, that’s…wonderful!

Sin is an insidious thing

Sin buries you where you don’t belong

All falls apart with sin

All falls apart with sin

All falls apart with sin

My people…I birthed this nation from my servant Abraham.

I called them to be my own.

As a father loves his son, so I loved these people.

I nurtured them,

I protected them,

I provided for them,

I loved them with an everlasting love.

My people,

they belong to me.

They are my special possession.

I called them from a land of bondage,

Opened the sea as a straight path before them.

Yes, the horse and rider that pursued them…

The perished in that sea, they perished in that sea.

I surrounded my people who belong to me.

In a desert land where they found themselves,

I watched over them.

I guarded them with my own eyes.

I alone guided them,

I placed a cloud before them by day

And a pillar of fire ahead of them by night.

They followed me alone.

They followed no foreign gods.

I blessed then more than the mind can imagine:

The choicest yogurt, honey, olive oil and wine.

Yet all did not stay so swell.

My people became fat and unruly.

They grew heavy, plump and stuffed.

In their confort, they abandoned me,

the One who had made them.

They made light of me, the Rock of their salvation.

These people, those whom I love, my very own…

They stirred up my jealousy by worshipping foreign gods.

They provoked my fury with detestable deeds.

They offered sacrifices to demons, which are not God,

To gods they had not known before,

To new gods their ancestors had never feared.

Their idols were worthless

And with them, they have became worthless themselves.

I told them not to do the things the nations around them do

And yet they have became just like them:

Magic, witchcraft, even sacrificing their own children!

They  determined to do whatever I hated!

Even worse, they tried to HIDE their sin from me!

My sons neglected me, the One who had fathered them.

They forgot the God who gave them birth.

I saw this and drew back.

I was provoked to anger by my own sons and daughters.

I thought, I will abandon them

And then let them see what becomes of them.

They are a twisted generation.

They are children without integrity.

Do I now remember your actions?

I will take revenge;

I told my people that in due time their feet would slip.

I told them that their day of disaster would arrive;

Their destiny would overtake them.

My anger blazes like fire

And burns to the depths of the grave.

The sword will bring death

And inside terror will strike the young and old,

Both men and women.

Children will not even escape.

You are a senseless nation,

Foolish and without understanding.

I did not leave you without warning.

Again and again I sent my prophets.

My message never changed…

“Turn from your evil ways.

Obey my commands and decrees –

The entire law that I commanded your ancestors to obey,

And that I gave to you through my servants the prophets.”

Yet you did not listen.

Instead, you kept on sinning.

My children would not listen.

They were as stubborn as their ancestors.

They refused to truly believe in me, the Lord their God.

If they truly believed, they would have obeyed.

Oh the searing pain of loss…

Of a twisted dagger in a bleeding heart.

How long should I stay my hand?

How long should I wait,

Wait for my child who has hardened her heart to the One who gave her life?

My child who has turned the harlot, prostituting herself with the gods of other nations?

I could hold back my fury no longer.

The fairest of my cities lies in dust.

The fortress walls are torn down.

I could not even show mercy on my Temple.

It’s treasures pilfered by greedy men,

Basins, cups, candlesticks…

By men who had no sense of their value

Value beyond gold.

Every home was destroyed,

All the strength of my people vanished.

I withdrew my protection as the enemy attacked.

The kings and princes were exiled to distant lands.

Their women and children were carried off,

Men languished under the yoke of bondage once again.

In my fury, I rejected the descendents of Israel

I allowed them to be carried away as prisoners,

Bound and driven from their land to Assyria.

I turned my back on Judah,

I banished them from my presence and sent them into exile.

Exiled from their land to Babylon.

In the day of the My anger,

No one escaped my judgment. 

Assyria and Babylon gloated in their booty.

And my enemies took up residence in my land.

Sin in a most serious thing.

Sin buries you where you don’t belong.

I can not ignore your persistence in sin.

I can not ignore it.

Yet, My faithful love never ends!

My mercies never cease.

Yes, My faithfulness is great,

My mercies are new every morning.

I will be your inheritance,

Therefore, you can hope in Me.

I can not abandon my people forever.

Yes, I may bring grief, but I also show compassion

Because of the greatness of my unfailing love. 

I do not enjoy hurting people

Or causing sorrow.

But I do send both calamity and good.

Is there any reason that you should complain

If you are punished for your persistence in sin?

Test and examine your ways.

Turn back to Me.

Lift your hands and heart to Me and say,

“I have sinned and rebelled…”

I will hear you.

I heard my children, Israel and Judah.

I heard them and said, “Do not fear.”

I know the wrong that your enemies did to you.

I will restore you.

I, the Lord, remain the same forever!

My throne continues from generation to generation.

I will not harbor my anger forever…

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

So great is my love for you who fear me.

As far as the east is from the west,

I will remove your transgressions from you.

As a father has compassion on his children,

So I have compassion on you who fear me.

Yes, I will restore my people.

Isaiah's Story

Back in the day, our nation, our city and most of our individual hearts were far from God.  We were described as a people who didn’t know their master.  Animals can do better than that.  An ox knows it’s master and a donkey knows who cares for him, but we chose to reject and despise the LORD, we turned our backs on Him and finally we  didn’t even know Him.

It got even worse than that.  We were described as prostitutes.  We were haughty and flirtatious.  Our God had made us a beautiful people. We were set apart for His glory and satisfaction alone.  Yet, we flaunted that beauty to the nations surrounding us.  We gave ourselves to their gods and joined in their lives. 

We were like a vineyard.  God’s vineyard.  He spared nothing in cultivating the soil of our hearts and preparing us to produce His sweetness to the world around us.  He planted the best vines of truth in us and built a watchtower from which to guard His investment.  Yet when the time for harvest came, we produced only bitter grapes.  There was nothing about us to enjoy.  We were unpalatable.  We became something that God wanted only to spit out.

That is exactly what He did.  We were spit out before our enemies, wicked nations whom He called to His service.  Those who had no regard for our land, our people or our God.  Those whose only desire was to use us up.  Use up our land, use up our people and disregard our God.  Our families were torn apart as we became property and our possessions were ravaged by greedy pilferers whose only thought was themselves.  A once beautiful city and land was left a wasteland. 

Times were dark.  Yet, our God would not let our darkness and despair go on forever.  He planned to humble us.  That He did, but He told us that a time was coming when a light would shine.  Specifically, Galilee would be filled with His glory.  A child would be born whose name was to be called: Wonderful Counselor, Might God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace.  He would be of the family of David and His rule would be for all eternity. This Chosen One was to bring justice, open the eyes of the blind and free captives from darkness.  This Chosen One was also to be despised and rejected.  He would know sorrow and grief.  We would think that this was because of his own sins.  No, it would be our sins that weighed Him down.  He would be unjustly condemned, pierced, beaten, crushed and whipped for our sins.  This would be the LORD’s plan. And yes, He is to rule for eternity with many descendants because of this plan.

God would not throw us away.  We were not to be discouraged.  He is our God and He said that He would strengthen us, help us and hold us up by His victorious right hand.  He called us to understand that He alone is God.  There is no other god – there never has been, and never will be.  He freed us from our enemies for our own sake and for His name sake, He promised to blot out our sins; never to think of them again.  Yes, we were a most stubborn people, but for His own sake, He held back His anger from wiping us completely out.  Instead, He put us through the furnace of suffering in order to refine us.  He rescued us for His own name sake. He would never let his reputation be tarnished nor would He share his glory with idols. 

Times are still dark.  We are oppressed by the Roman Empire now.  They have no regard for our people, our land or our God.  In many ways were not much different than our forefathers who endured captivity in Assyria and Babylon.  There is a remnant of faithful ones, but so many only honor God with their lips and not with their hearts.  Something interesting happened the other day here in Galilee.  A man who grew up in this area had just come back to town.  He name is Jesus.  People were abuzz about the things that he had been saying.  The reputation that was going ahead of him was good and people liked him.  He went to the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read the Scriptures.  The scroll that was handed to him was Isaiah.  Upon unrolling the scroll, he looked for a specific place.  Once he found it he began reading,

            “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he anointed me to bring good news to the poor.  He sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”

            He finished by saying that the Scriptures that he had just read were fulfilled that very day.  That was a bold statement.  Could he be the one that Isaiah said would shine as light into the darkness?  Sometime later this Jesus proclaimed, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

It seems that He IS the one whom Isaiah tells us to expect.  The road ahead will be a difficult one:  sorrow and suffering, grief and despair. But, it will not end there.  Isaiah told us of time when heaven will be His throne and earth His footstool.  The wolf and lamb will feed together.  Those who have a humble and contrite heart will be blessed.  All humanity will worship the Lord from week to week and month to month.

            Do things in history change?  Are hearts any different today?  There are those that are humble and contrite. They know their God.  There are those that are proud and haughty.  They are flirtatious with the idols of this world, despising and rejecting God.  The one is a sweet fruit from God’s vineyard, the other a bitter fruit.   One is a delight, the other is spit out.  The choice to accept or reject the promised Chosen One makes the difference in the fruit.  The choice is ours.